Are You Selfish?

Dear Yi Jun,

Hurt feelings between people can be very upsetting. How should you respond when you are being “put down” or insulted by someone else?

Suppose somebody say, “ChrisLee, you have golden hair.” Would that make you feel bad?

You’ll probably reply, “No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I know I don’t have golden hair.”

So what they say to you needn’t affect how you feel. What you believe about yourself is more important.

Add, what if they say, “ChrisLee, you are selfish?” That statement can only hurt you if you have doubts about whether you really are selfish. If you are clear that you are a warm, generous person, then you won’t be hurt because you know what they said isn’t true.

Anytime you feel upset about what someone says about you, or something you do, it’s because at some level you doubt yourself in that area.

If someone says, in effect, “You have golden hair” and you know you don’t, there’s no problem.”

If there’s some truth in what the person says, view it as feedback or information you can use for self-improvement.