1. Moralistic Self-judgment

One way to really dislike yourself is to always judge yourself in a very moralistic way. People often spend a lot of time and energy labeling their behavior with moral adjectives such as “bad”, “hateful” and “mean”. When you apply these kinds of words to yourself you make liking yourself much more difficult. There is a more productive way of looking at yourself that will allow you to begin to like yourself more. Instead of evaluating yourself in this moralistic way, begin to ask questions like: “Did I do what I really wanted to do in this situation?” “How can I correct the misunderstanding that occurred?” In other words, you can start to view what you’ve done as productive or non-productive rather than as good or bad. If something is non-productive, you can focus on what you have learned form it and try another approach that might be more productive.

Learning To Accept Yourself

Dear Yi Jun,

We are not born doubting ourselves. We learn to do it. In fact, we are usually taught to doubt ourselves. Often we are taught to do so by otherwise well-meaning people who are passing along their own doubts and uncertainties and who believe they are being protective and caring. What these people (usually parents and other significant adults) want are strong, capable and self-confident people, but they often inadvertently teach us thought processes that lead to something else. That’s the bad news. The good news is that we can understand some of these processes and learn new ways of coping that allow us to become more accepting of ourselves. Following are six behaviors you may have learned that can be unlearned and allow you to move toward greater self-acceptance. (will be continue tomorrow)

Being Grateful Before Missing

All of us have read thrilling stories in which the hero had only a limited and specified time to live. Sometimes it was as long as a year, sometimes as short as twenty-four hours, but always we were interested in discovering just how the doomed man chose to spend his last days or his last hours. I speak, of course, of free men who have a choice, not condemned criminals whose sphere of activities is strictly delimited.

Such stories set up thinking, wondering what we should do under similar circumstances. What associations should we crowd into those last hours as mortal beings? What happiness should we find in reviewing the past, what regrets?

Sometimes I have thought it would be an excellent rule to live each day as if we should die tomorrow. Such an attitude would emphasize sharply the values of life. We should live each day with gentleness, vigor and keenness of appreciation which is often lost when time stretches before us in the constant panorama of more days and months and years to come. There are those, of course, who would adopt the epicurean motto of “Eat, drink and be merry”, most people would be chastened by the certainty of impending death.

Most of us take life for granted. We know that one day we must die, but usually we picture that day as far in the future, when we are in buoyant health, death is all but unimaginable. We seldom think of it. The days stretch out in an endless vista. So we go about our petty task, hardly aware of our listless attitude towards life.

The same lethargy, I am afraid, characterizes the use of our faculties and senses. Only the deaf appreciate hearing, only the blind realize the manifold blessings that lie in sight. Particularly does this observation apply to those who have lost sight and hearing in adult life. But those who have never suffered impairment of sight or hearing seldom make the fullest use of these blessed faculties. Their eyes and ears take in all sights and sound hazily, without concentration and with little appreciation. It is the same old story of not being grateful without missing.

April Showers Bring May Flowers

From the golden – tipped fields of mid-west America to the ancient kingdoms of verdant Palestine, there is a happy truth to be shared with all who would take heed. In more recent times, this truth has been expressed as: April showers bring May flowers. This is a truth that promises light bursting from darkness, strength born from weakness and if one dares to believe, life emerging from death.

Farmers all over the world know the importance and immutability of the seasons. They know that there is a season to plant and a season to harvest; everything must be done in its own time. Although the rain pours down with the utmost relentlessness, ceasing all outdoor activities, the man of the field lifts his face to the heavens and smiles. Despite the inconvenience, he knows that the rain provides the nourishment his crops need to grow and flourish. The torrential rains in the month of April, give rise to the glorious flowers in the month of May.

But this ancient truth applies to more than the crops of the fields; it is an invaluable message of hope to all who experience tragedy in life. A dashed relationship with one can open up the door to a brand new friendship with another. A lost job here can provide the opportunity for a better job there. A broken dream can become the foundation of a wonderful future.

Remember this: overwhelming darkness may endure for a night, but it will never overcome the radiant light of the morning. When you are in a season of sorrow, hang in there, because a season of joy may be just around the corner…

Put The Glass Down

Dear Yi Jun,

A lecturer was giving a lecture to his students on stress management.

He raised a glass of water and asked the audience: “How heavy do you think this glass of water is?”

The students’ answers ranged from 20g to 500g.

“It does not matter on the absolute weight. It depends on how long you hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it is okay. If I hold it of an hour, I will have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you will have to call an ambulance. It is the exact same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.”

“If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, we will not be able to carry on, the burden becoming increasingly heavier.”

“What you have to do is to put the glass down, rest for a while before holding it up again.”

We have to put down the burden periodically, so that we can be refreshed and are able to carry on.

Whatever burdens you are having now on your shoulders, let it down for a moment if you can and play badminton with your senior.

Life is short, enjoy it when tire, relax when stress!

When You Are In Moscow

Dear Yi Jun,

Maybe god wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don’t see the one which has been opened for us.

The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word and then walk away felling like it was the best conversation you’ve every had.

It’s true that we don’t know what we’ve got until we lose it, but it’s also true that we don’t know what we’ve been missing until it arrives.

Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they’ll love you back! Don’t expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn’t, be content it grew in your. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

Don’t go for looks; they can deceive. Don’t go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile.

There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real!

Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you wants to do.

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy.

Always put yourself in others’ shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person, too.

The happiest people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.

Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear.

The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can’t go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

Please send this message to those people who mean something to you, to those who have touched your life in one way or another, to those who make you smile when you really need it, to those that make you see the brighter side of things when you are really down, to those who you want to let them know that you appreciate their friendship. And if you don’t, don’t worry, nothing bad will happen to you, you will just miss out on the opportunity to brighten someone’s day with this message.

Catch The Star Lead You To Your Dreams

Dear Yi Jun,

Catch the star that holds your destiny, the one that forever twinkles within your heart. Take advantage of precious opportunities while they still sparkle before you. Always believe that your ultimate goal is attainable as long as you commit yourself to it.

Though barriers may sometimes stand in the way of your dreams, remember that your destiny is hiding behind them. Accept the fact that not everyone is going to approve of the choices you’ve made. Have faith in your judgment. Catch the star that twinkles in your heart and it will lead you to your destiny’s path. Follow that pathway and uncover the sweet sunrises that await you.

Take pride in your accomplishments, as they are stepping stones to your dreams. Understand that you may make mistakes, but don’t let them discourage you. Value your capabilities and talents for they are what make you truly unique. The greatest gifts in life are not purchased, but acquired through hard work and determination. Find the star that twinkles in your heart – for you alone are capable of making your brightest dreams come true. Give your hopes everything you’ve got and you will catch the star that holds your destiny.