The Ways For Staying Calm

I watched the old man’s fumbling fingers as he slowly counted out the coins, one by one. I was all but dancing with impatience in the checkout line and sighed with exasperation. Hearing me, he smiled apologetically – a tiny smile of humiliation at being feeble and holding up the world’s business.

Then I became contrite. Putting myself in his shoes, I realized that someday they might pinch my feet. I too, could become dependent on the kindness of strangers. I patted his frayed sleeves “Take your time,” I said, “there’s no hurry”.

It occurred to me how often I have acted impatiently – honking my horn the instant the light changed, speaking sharply to someone slow to understand. Did it matter? It did. When you’re impatient, you’re apt to be rude. And such behavior is counter – productive, making people angry or stubborn or uncooperative.

I decided to try becoming more patient and to develop various approaches for calming myself in stressful situations. I can’t claim that these techniques transformed me into a model of patience, but they have helped me eliminate some impatience from my life and control most of it.

Allow for a margin of error – A friend had passed the interviews for an important new job; all that remained was for the president of the company to meet his wife.

At six, my friend and his wife were in the tunnel on their way into New York for a seven O’clock appointment. At seven, they were still in the tunnel, stuck behind an overturned tractor-trailer. When they finally reached the president’s hotel, he had gone, leaving no message. He would not accept an explanation the next day. “You should have planned for delays,” he said.

Impatient people don’t like to waste time, so they cut things too closely. They budge the exact number of minutes that a journey or task should take, not allowing for the possibility of delay or the unexpected. It is better to provide a margin for error. The more important your appointment is, the more time should be allotted. When a appointment absolutely can’t be missed, it pays to allow ridiculous amounts of time.

Put thing in perspective – Not setting a coveted job is calamitous, but the consequences of being held up are seldom that serious. They are not worth getting impatient.

I’ve learned to ask myself, “What’s the worst that can happen?” If the answer is that I’ll miss the opening credits of a movie or the start of a ball game, I calm down. Will I even remember next week that I was ten minutes late today? Putting matters in perspective should ease your impatience.

Think ahead – One evening as an acquaintance was leaving for a weekend trip, her car wouldn’t start – and three friends were waiting to be picked up on a street corner. She had no way of getting word to them; they were cold and miserable and worried when she arrived an hour late. Since hearing her predicament, I’ve always arranged to meet people where they or I can be reached incase of delay. It enables me to be far more patient when things go wrong.

Be prepared – Waiting in airports is one of the most trying features of modern life. I was watching torrential rains streak the windows at Kinabalu International Airport one evening when a man came up, took a word game from his pocket and asked if I wanted to play. We played with pleasure for the four hours our plane was delayed. Near us, a man worked on his laptop computer. One woman went through a stack of catalogues methodically, turning down the corners of the pages, filling out order blanks. The most impatient people – the ones who prowled the waiting area and complained loudly – were those who had nothing to do but put coins in the vending machines.

I now assume I’ll encounter a delay, so always carry a book. A friend do SUDUKO.

Live for the moment – A man I knew was always racing impatiently into the future. If we met for a drink after work, the first thing he talked about was where we’d go for dinner; at dinner, he rushed through dessert to get to a movie; at the movie, he was on his feet before the last frame faded. And in the car on the way home, he was making plans for the next day, next week and next year.

Never did he live in the here and now. Consequently, he couldn’t enjoy life.

I’ve come to appreciate that life has its own timetable. It takes nine of ten months to make a baby, 21 years to make an adult. It takes a long time to become a good violinist or downhill skier. It also takes time to become a success and even more time to become a success as a person.

Perhaps the last thing for controlling impatience is to examine your own contribution to it. Are you unwilling to grant children time to learn or slow people time to accomplish a task? If impatience is only occasional, your annoyance will pass. But if you’re almost always irritable and abrupt, you may well feel that you’re just too important to ever be kept waiting for anyone or anything.

You’re not, of course; none of us are. If we can accept that the world is ours to enjoy but not made for our convenience, we’ll be better able to move through it equably, more patient with the ordinary vicissitudes of life and a good companion to out fellow human beings – and to ourselves.